Adoption Story

December 9, 2022

by Matt Lantz

Well, we promised we would give an update of how our whole adoption process unfolded so here it is! Please be warned, this is not going to be brief, because due to confidentiality reasons, we were not able to provide any periodic updates through this process. Therefore, here is 4.5 years all in one blog, so put on your seatbelt if you are up for it! If you are, we hope and believe you will be blessed.

The journey started 4.5 years ago when we found out that friends of ours, Heidi & Jim Slaugh from Hamilton, MI (next door to Holland), had adopted their son, Joseph, from FEJ in Haiti (45 minutes outside of Port Au Prince). They also had hoped to adopt his good friend, Estephanie, but were not able to due to Haitian law which states you are not able to adopt after age 50 (Jim’s age). However, she was heavy on their hearts, and they sent out a prayer request on behalf of Estephanie throughout West Michigan, and in our local church. I (Matt), felt a heavy burden right away for Estephanie, but did not tell Amanda, because I knew immediately, she would be on board.

This led to many mornings of quiet time with the Lord, where Matt could not stop thinking and praying over Estephanie, and often started breaking down in tears over her. It was evident the Lord was starting to call us to her, yet Matt was scared of the future, especially given his background as a post adoption trauma counselor. Matt reached out to Heidi to find out more, and found out Estephanie was 7. We would be disrupting birth order which was certainly never part of our plan. However, it seemed maybe God had different plans…Matt was led to the song, “Spirit Lead Me,” which he probably listened to over 500 times. The song kept reminding him that even when this process might not make logical sense to him, to listen to what the Spirit was prompting.

On the way to a trip up north, Amanda said, “Hey Matt, I have been praying about the little girl Estephanie, and wondered if you ever thought about her?” Of course, at that point, Matt knew it was time to tell Amanda what the Lord was doing in his heart for the last month. It became crystal clear then it was time to move forward in pursuit of Estephanie, to place our fears and plans aside, and to trust our perfect Heavenly Father. We had been planning on beginning refugee foster care, and we had not financially planned to adopt internationally, so this thought was not our first option. But we knew we were called, so we jumped in the deep end and started the process...

Well, you all know how it ended, but there was some significant tribulation along the way. We often heard that Haitian adoptions (adoption in general), is not for the faint of heart, and this could not be more the truth! Of course, this was delayed further with COVID, severe unrest in the country of Haiti, etc…, but there were numerous other obstacles. The largest being some naivety on our side i.e. you are not able to pre-identify who you want to adopt in a Haitian adoption (and in many international adoptions). Therefore, after all our paperwork, after about 1.5 years into the process we were informed we were NOT matched with Estephanie!

About, six months later we were matched with a sibling set of two children. After a couple weeks of prayer, we made a painstaking decision to say no to this referral. There were a couple reasons for this. First and foremost, we believe in working towards family preservation as the ultimate goal, and felt in this situation, there potentially could have been some more efforts made toward this goal. Unfortunately, poverty was a significant factor which led to these children not being able to be reared by their family, as it often can be in these situations, and is part of the much larger systemic problem in Haiti and many international adoptions. Of course, a book and not a blog could be written on this topic and many have been. An organization dear to our hearts, 1MillionHome, has been pioneering the way for many children in orphanages to be reunited with their families. Check out their website and you will be encouraged!

Ultimately when we prayed, we did not have peace in moving forward. We also felt extremely led to Estephanie and trusted the creche (FEJ) that she is from (we are deeply thankful for all the loving staff at FEJ), knowing they work to provide job training, and assist biological parents to make every effort to preserve the biological family when this is a safe option. We knew Estephanie’s parents both died when she was four, and we desired to step into that gap, and be her forever family. From the beginning of this process, we knew we had to somehow, someway pursue her against all odds.

The only way to do this was to change our criteria for the adoption to one girl in her age range and hope that just maybe we would be matched to her. We were informed, the likelihood of being matched to her would be about 1%! We were obviously crushed, because we knew the Lord was leading us to her, and we wanted her to know how loved and chosen she was. However, we had to continue in our pursuit.

So, we waited and waited and waited for the board to decide who we would be matched with. We had her picture on our refrigerator and prayed for her nightly. We eventually got a call about a year later from our social worker to call her immediately. We called back with fear and trepidation, and that call changed all of our lives forever. We were of course immediately in tears, as we found out the miracle that the 1% chance happened, and we were matched with Estephanie!! Our social worker talked about how literally mountains were moved, and this was a miracle she had never seen. Who else but God?!

And then, we waited and waited and waited (seemed to be a common theme here). We thankfully began the process of talking with Estephanie on zoom for around a year with monthly calls. However, the zoom calls were terrible quality, and we could only get a couple words in here and there. Typically, we would travel to Haiti for a “socialization” visit, but due to COVID, and the social unrest in Haiti, this was not a possibility.

We then started to eventually plan for the logistics of travel with an escort to bring Estephanie to Florida, due to the continued civil unrest in Haiti. It was a significant challenge to get her to the States safely. We arrived in Florida only to be met by hurricane Nicole. That seemed fitting for this story. It delayed her arriving one day, but thankfully only one day. Then, the day to meet her finally arrived, and of course, she was the last one off the plane, and while each moment of the wait was excruciating, every moment was worth it. Now, we are FINALLY a family of 5, and we are able to look back and see God’s plan in all of this! There have been so many family members, and friends who have supported us in this journey, and we are truly eternally grateful.

It is a reminder that it is impossible to see God’s plan in the midst of the pain, the struggle, and the waiting. Yet, He is always working. It is a reminder that we are all chosen, adopted into His family, and he pursues us with a great love that none of us can truly comprehend. May you be reminded today that you are desired, chosen, and pursued by the Father.

We know that we have innumerable challenges ahead, but we also know that God has prepared us for this season, and we can only do it by His strength. We understand that there is immense grief and trauma in her story, and there will be layers of this to unfold with her in the months and years ahead. We also understand that engaging in a transracial adoption creates its own unique challenges, and we need to be acutely aware of these, while also consistently being sensitive to Estephanie’s needs. None of it will be easy. If you remember it, please pray for all of us as we transition as a family. To Him alone be all the glory!